S1: E11 - Sitting With Uncertainty

In this week's episode I'm sitting with uncertainty.

Sometimes we just have to be who we are and show up even when things feel uncomfortable. Come along with me as I enjoy sitting on the porch. There's some wind, some birds, and some delightful interruptions.

To learn more about my work, and follow along with my journey, check out my website, Mom's Strange Magic.

#growth #spirituality #life #healing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

One of the things that I've always wanted to do is make a place that people could feel at home, could share their stories, and find a way to feel better. Hi, my name is Kim. I am the voice and face behind Mom Strange Magic, and today I am sitting on my back porch. It is I feel exceptionally beyond all comprehension of grateful to have this little humble space to sit. It's not fancy. There's clutter, um, cat hair everywhere. There's some bees flying around, maybe some birds will stop by. You'll probably hear some wind. But this simple little spot is kind of representative of I said that like I'm talking to representative. Um, it represents what I wanted to do with my life and how it took, I don't know, over 20 years to get here, and that the fact that I can even sit here and hold a little microphone and use my phone as a recording studio while the sun is shining down and the wind is cooling my, you know, breezing through my hair, is just something that goes beyond what I ever imagined ever. When we moved to this spot, my goal was to start a healing center. I wanted it to be a one-stop shop. At that point, I'd already had uh several years under my belt of learning things like yoga and health advocacy and things of that nature, and I particularly wanted to help women. I had seen in my life up to that point that often women did not get the things that they needed, and I felt a very strong pull to work with females. During that time, I also started to notice that it wasn't just one particular, you know, gender or um whatever, you know. I didn't want to just work with just women. I started to see something even deeper that there were people in poverty, people that had really great skills but couldn't get to where they needed to be because they didn't have all the right tools. And it shifted from being purely focused on just women to trying to create a place where anyone could show up as they were and find something to eat, have a glass of tea, and let someone just listen to them for a while. That was in 2001. And over these almost 25 years, everything that I have done to try to get to back to that point, or everything that I've done to try to make that dream come alive, it just felt like someone, the universe, I don't know, just kept throwing obstacles in my way. And it really bothered me. It really bothered me. And I had to, you know, I put my stuff out there, I had to take it down, I'd put it out, I'd take it down, I'd put it out, and take it down, and just so much until I just gave up. Now that could sound pretty dire, but what I mean by giving up is that I was like, all right, not my will, but yours, universe. And if this is not, you know, if I've dedicated a lot of my time, a lot of our family's resources, the time of others, um, to something that is not supposed to happen, I'm just gonna stop trying to make it happen. Um, and then things shifted and they shifted again, and now here I am. And all those things that I worked so hard for and never happened are now sitting right in my lap. And what's interesting about that is that you know, what happens when you get those things that you worked hard for, but then you kind of gave up for, you know, you're like, I'm not gonna do this, this is ridiculous, I can't do this. And then the universe says, Oh, so you couldn't get your website up last time? Here, here, let me help you with that. And you know, they get I mean, everything all of a sudden is right here and ready to go, and I am sort of choking. Um because you get what happens is you look out and you're like, man, the coast is clear, I've got this, I'm gonna just walk straight to my goal, and you don't realize that um, you know, someone has made a mirage, and you walk down and you step in and you're back in the pit again, you know. And so what do you do, right? What do you do with that? What do you do when you don't know what to do? And so I just I here comes the wind. Let's listen to the wind together. So, oh, birds. Um, and so I really just looked at this. I looked at this and looked at this and looked at this until I couldn't look at it anymore. And I was like, I just, you know, I'm I'm out here doing the things, I feel sort of like I'm uh automaton, like I'm just kind of doing this because I don't know what else to do. And then um, I just had this kind of like, what even am I worried about? What what uh what was it that stopped me from doing this before? What is it that's stopping me now? And the honest truth is me. Um now there were things that I had to take care of over these 25 years, and I'm not upset about it, and I'm very I feel very fortunate to have the things that um I do have, and the support that I had from my fantastic husband during times where we had to just come together and stand as a united front to work for our family, and it has been the most rewarding aspect of my 54 years to be able to be able to walk through those situations and come out on the other side. Um, it doesn't mean that we're not tired and we're not weary and we don't have a few um scars and bruises, but we were together and we walked through it together. And that is something that I again am so grateful for. It just if you have just one person support you and your dreams, even if they seem ridiculous to others, it does give you hope that you will be able to accomplish them. So back to this point where I was like, whatever, I'm not gonna do it anymore, and so on and so forth, up until coming back to mom's strange magic. What I learned while working with folks a few back in, you know, back then is that the best thing that we can do for each other is to listen. I also learned that sometimes what we need is right in front of us, but we can't see it. And having someone say, How does that make you feel? or I think you do know what it is that you need just makes the problem much worse. I face that. Um, I went through therapy of sorts. Um, I say of sorts, it's a thing. Um, but what I came to after all of these things was that I had done all of this work myself. Yes, I did have some support. Yes, there are things, but the hard part of it, the very hardest part of it, I did on my own. When I couldn't find what I needed, I studied it and learned it so I could do it for myself. When I couldn't find what my family needed, I learned and studied it for myself. When I felt like nobody was listening, I got out my journal and I wrote things to my own self. Like, hey, Kim, oh, here comes an airplane making the crows chatter. I said, hey, Kim, here's something. Listen to what you're writing down. And I would just write notes to myself. I'm like, okay, today, Kim, what I really need you to hear is that it's okay to make grilled cheese for dinner. No one's gonna think you're a bad mom if you make grilled cheese for dinner. All right. Yeah, I can tell that so you got to hear you get this, you're you're with me on the back porch. Um, or you know, when I was in situations that I didn't know what to do, and I fell back into behaviors that are not my favorite for myself, and just all these, like it was just a lot, and and you know, and I'm I'm in it, I'm whatever, and then just all of a sudden there was this whole like I've got to try one more time. I've got to try to make a place in the world where people can come and they can, you know, pay their coin at the door, and when they leave, they've got everything that they need to help themselves do better and be better in the world. And that I can do classes, I can there are all these things that I can do and I only need just a few things, right? I don't need the full rig, I don't need the fancy computer, I don't need the all of that. I just need to show up, and that's the key, and that's kind of the theme of this week's podcast. What does it look like when you just show up? It is it is not easy. Showing up is not easy, and it can be you know it can seem like it's just a little thing, but it is not, and I don't mean just like showing up for others or whatever, I mean showing up for yourself, being there for for your own self. And I'm the kind of person where I'm gonna run through every scenario. I'm gonna try to say, well, I can't do this because there are other people that are not doing well, and I don't want to take this. Alright, I'm I'm gonna pause for a second. Okay, so the wind is in a different place. And it's just you know I've been sort of kind of testing to see how things go up until this point, and uh I've I've reopened, but my sort of grand opening is next week, uh the first day of May. And um just as a heads up, which I'll say again at the end, um, next week's podcast is gonna come out on Friday instead of Wednesday, just as a heads up. But anyway, um I think the thing here is that it, you know, just showing up and all that is and um and I don't it it is the the whole theme of what Mom Strange Magic is and what I do and what I think all of us should remember is that we are all connected, and any time that I do something that m moves my life forward in a way that can be of benefit to everything around me, then it is pause for the wind.

unknown 13:50

Pause.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Okay. Oh anyway, what I'm want I think you know, it's like you gotta be consistent, you gotta put a podcast. Okay, so there is another gust of wind. Anyway, okay, so just to get to the point for this week's podcast is that I have worked really hard and I have also talked myself back from living a goal in my life so many times that one day I just decided that it was time to just give it a shot. Uh, I don't have to be successful, I don't have to do any of those things that all of the little talking heads online tell me. I just have to show up. And I started showing up and I started doing the podcasts and I started making my videos and I started doing things that I felt were really out of my comfort zone. And but I couldn't, I had to just I had to, I had to do it. And what I realized is that all those experiences that I went through helped me be able to better provide for people when they showed up on my front porch or on my back porch or on any porch because I have two. I live in the land of luxury with two porches, woo-hoo. Um and they're both covered, one is enclosed. Like, woohoo, let me tell you about it. Um, I have the most, the most like homegrown, down home, simple, wee little cottage of a house that's uh that is, you know, that is not like all the other houses on the street. So let me just say it's a very simple and eclectic home, but by golly, I got some porches and a carport. I am I'm kicking it, I am living large, y'all. Um, but the thing is that I decided that it was far worse to sit here and wonder why nothing worked the way that I wanted it to than to try just one more time. And I did, and all of a sudden, things have clicked into place that would not have clicked into place if I did not have those previous experiences. And now, just for the record, this isn't me saying like thoughts become things or blah blah blah, like no no bypassy gaslighting pseudo speak, like psycho-seudo, whatever, like none of that. That stuff is is it that drives me crazy. I'm talking about my experience personally, and what happened when I really started to look at it is that I saw that what was kind of holding me back was that I thought that I needed people to validate my experience when we all want that. We all want someone to say, I see you. But the thing about it was is that I wasn't I wasn't validating my experiences. And I would, you know, my husband would say, Oh my gosh, I came, that's wild. You did that? I'm like, yeah, and he's like, you know, people don't really do that. And like, they don't? He's like, no, there's the win. He's like, no, no, they don't. And he's like, but you, you did that. That's that's awesome. And um, yeah, I don't know. It's just a it's it's a lot of stuff, and I think it's important to talk about these things right now because I I can't. It's shifting to like the the second part of the podcast. I've got to get off social media, and by that I mean the meta platforms and the clock app. Um, it's been great, it's been fun, and um, but it does not do my mental health any good at all. And this isn't one of those like I'm leaving social media and I'm deleting my account, none of you pay attention to me. No, like I don't care if no one pays attention to me, that is fine. I am okay. Um, just for my mental health, I can't get on and and see how people treat each other because I don't treat people that way. I don't want to be around other people that treat the people, you know. I just it is just you know, yo, this is some come sit on the porch. Come join my virtual porch sets, which are starting soon. Um you know, just just we are all in this together. We are all in this together. And if you could just for a moment take a deep breath and hold on to that which is beautiful within yourself, you would see how much we are all in this together. And yes, someone cut you off, or yeah, you didn't get the promotion, or yeah, all these things. There's so much, there's there's always gonna be something. I didn't get enough sleep last night. The I tripped over something, you know, we could always look at something that is wrong, but if we just stop for a moment and say, how can I make that which I'm suffering from or that is causing me problems better for me, and then take that and bring it out to other people. How can we do that? How can that, you know, it's so much? And so as I'm transitioning from these first few weeks of being back at Mom Strange Magic over into like the official grand opening, I've got my site ready. Um, I'm taking some social media platform, I'm like, I'm doing it, I've got everything going, and and I'm rambling 100% today because it's just the energy right here today is just so full of like wind and rambles and bird song and sunshine and bumblebees and hummingbirds, lightning bugs, and porch sitting that I want to show up for myself, and I want to not give up on the things that I set out to do, and even if it's taken me a long time, and even if I've made a lot of mistakes, I am still here right now, sitting here with all the capabilities to do the things that I've wanted to do, and I don't have to do it the way that other people think I should do it, and I definitely don't have to do it the way that the that the you know Greek chorus and the social media people say I have to do it. And so, you know, I don't know, as I wind up this week's podcast, which is a little short, but um, I got I got some things to do today. I want to I want us just to sit together for a moment and just in this quiet and I want you to think of one thing. It can be a small thing, it could be the fact that you were able to find the exact type of pasta salad that you like, right? Or that you saw a butterfly, or that you got to work early, or that your coffee tasted good, or whatever. I want you to think of something that brings you a sense of contentment and gratitude. And just hold that in your mind right now. It can also be you can think of a time or a day where you had you just felt alive and connected to everything. Hold that in your mind right now. And what I want you to do is just think about think about that and think about it. Just keep holding it there. And as you're holding it there, just breathe in and out normally. Just feel the rise and fall of your breath. And if you feel if it's comfortable for you, put your hand somewhere on your knee, on your forehead, on the top of your head, touch your elbow, whatever. And just witness yourself feeling that moment that gave you a sense of peace and connection and just feel the energy of that all through your body. Just continue sitting with that in the quiet, right? There's big gaps here. I'm not saying a lot. Right now, as I'm doing the podcast, I'm doing this right along with you. What I'm holding with me right now is the beauty of this day. And I recognize that so many people are not able to have moments like this. And I am grateful that I get to experience these moments and understand that I am connected to all the people, to all the plants, to the cosmos. And that if I feel helpless, if I feel like when someone have has have I seen the news or they're gonna do upgrade themselves or whatever, I can still be okay in who I am and the path ahead of me. Because as I'm feeling it, so is everything else around me. And it is going to you, it is going to the people that don't look like you, and the people that don't believe like you, and the people that don't follow the same pages on social media or people or influencers or whatever. But most importantly, as you think about that thing that brought you joy and beauty and peace and contentment, that feeling that you had came to me and to everything around you. And it may sound all you know vlati-da or whatever, to do, you know, like, oh, that doesn't change anything, but it does, and there's so there's actual research on it that if we can just sit and send out loving kindness from ourselves to others, that it changes things all around us, and so wrapping up this week's podcast, I invite you to take a moment every day to get grounded in yourself, think of something that brings you a lot of very positive feelings, and just sit with it for a little bit. Just sit with it and then get your breath and go on about your day. Thank you for joining me in this week's podcast. It is even more of a ramble than usual. I am working through uh being uh the the cook, the cleaner, the but you know, the all of the things. I am all the department of mom strange magic. And today I was just I'm like, I gotta get this podcast out. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta just say something, even if it's not gonna make sense to anybody but myself. I've gotta be consistent and uh show up for myself, and that's what I did. So the website is fully up and ready to go. It's mom's strange magic, no apostrophe, all wordstogether.com. You can find a way to contact me there. You can find the list of podcasts, and you can find my YouTube, you can see my services. It is good to go. And I will be officially announcing that with a little more fanfare next week on May the 1st. And I would love to see you there. Um, virtually, you know, see you there and you know, check it out. Um, but again, the website is mom's strange magic and it is up and ready to go. And there are a lot of people that um help me put that together, uh, meaning my family, with their support and kindness, and you know, bringing me a cup of coffee in the morning or whatever, so that uh when I have first feet on the ground that I can have that caffeine and run to fix the critical error and whatever. So again, thank you for being here. Come find me on momstrangemagic.com. You are loved. I see you. And until next time, know that everything is gonna be okay.